What WAS the best thing before sliced bread?
If you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn?
If all the world's a stage, and all the people players, why isn't there better acting on 'Baywatch'?
If a no-armed man has a gun, is he armed?
If con is the opposite of pro, then is Congress the opposite of progress?
If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
If corn oil comes from corn, then where does baby oil come from?
If a rain coat protects you from rain then shouldn't a fur coat protect you from fur?
If the Nowhere Man wanted to go somewhere, where would he go; and if he went somewhere would that Somewhere become Nowhere, or would he become the Somewhere Man?
Why can't breadfruit trees grow bread?
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
Why do they call it the rat race when all the participants are people?
If firefighters fight fires and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?
Where does a nudist put his/her car keys after they park the car?
If the Unstoppable Juggernaut hit the Immovable Blob, what would happen?
If you put a slinky on an escalator, would it go forever?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If a cow laughs, does milk come out its nose?
If all babies are cute why are there so many ugly people in the world?
What IS Spam?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the radio?
Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why don't sheep shrink when they get wet?
If fur coats are made from fur, then shouldn't rain coats be made from rain?
If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
Why do they sterilize needles that are used for lethal injections?
How do they get animals to cross at those yellow road signs?
How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
What's another word for thesaurus?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
What do they use to ship styrofoam?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
Why are there expiration dates on sour cream containers?
If you cross a four leaf clover with poison ivy, would you get a rash of good luck?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
What happens when you turn on your headlights if you're driving at the speed of light?
If a tree falls on a mime, does anybody care?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
How did the fool and his money ever get together?
Who is more foolish, the fool, or the fool who follows him?
If a mute says a bad word, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
If necessity is the mother of invention, then why are so many unnecessary things invented?
Why is it that when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad, but if you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
If 711's are open all day, every day, then why are there locks on the doors?
Why is it that when you're driving anyone going slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster is a maniac?
You know how packages always say "open here"; what if it says "open somewhere else"?
What do they put in Spam substitute?
If Spam substitute is artificial artificial meat, does that make it real?
When Dr. Kevorkian watches ER does he root against the doctors?
Why are there flotation devices under airplane seats and not parachutes?
Why is it that when you send something by car it's a shipment, but if you send it by boat, it's cargo?
Why do they sell cigarettes at gas stations when you can't smoke there?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?
If nothing sticks to Teflon�, then how does it stick to the pan?
If buttered toast always lands butter-side-down, and cats always land on their feet, what would happen if you tied buttered toast to a cat's back and dropped it?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and you get rid of all but one, what do you call it?
Why do our noses run and our feet smell?
Why is it that we recite at a play but play at a recital?
Why do they have Braille number pads at drive-through bank machines?
Why can't they make the whole plane out of the stuff they use for the indestructable black box?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Is it possible to nail Jell-o� to a wall?
If you had to make a choice between eating Spam, rocks or some form of fungus growing under a gas station sink, which would you choose?
If Helen Keller fell in the woods, and no one was around to hear her, would she make a sound?
What is the sound of one leg dancing?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?
If it's battered cod, does that mean they hit it?
Is it okay to go door-to-door selling "No Soliciting" signs?
When Pamela Anderson breast-feeds her baby, does the milk come out in plastic bags?
Why does fire need a blanket?
Why is it called Miracle Whip� when all it does is add 'zing' to your sandwich?
What would chairs look like if our knees bent the other way?
Why is it that if you tell a man there are 400 billion stars, he believes you, but if you tell him a bench has wet paint he has to touch it?
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
If it was only a 3 hour cruise, why did Mrs. Howell have so many clothes?
Why is it called a hamburger, when it's made out of beef?
Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dish washing liquid contains real lemons?
How much deeper would the ocean be, if sponges didn't grow in it?
Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
Why do we wait until a pig is dead, to "cure" it?
Why do we wash bath towels-aren't we clean when we use them?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag, and put garments in a suitcase?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have an "S" in it?
What do little birdies see, when they get knocked unconscious?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
What's another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly that loses its wings be called a walk?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If a turtle loses his shell, is it naked or homeless?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
Do cemetary workers prefer the graveyard shift?
Does 'virgin wool' come from sheep the shepherd hasn't caught yet?
Can you be a closet claustophobic?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?
If warm air rises, why is the atmosphere so cold?
What are the speeds of dark and silence?
If Barbie's so popular, why do we have to buy her friends?
If psychics know that you're going to call, why do they have to ask your name?
Do infants have as much fun in their infancy as adults do in their adultery?
Why is back pain medication always on the bottom shelf?
Ever notice what the first 3 letters of the word "diet" spell?
Did you know that the only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is 'uncopyrightable'?
Is the Silver Surfer wearing clothes?
Why are Donald and Mickey never fully clothed?
If the Spice Girls are about Girl Power, why are all their songs about guys and love?
Why do we study the past to learn about the future when we can only live in the now?
How do you throw out a trash can?
Is dry cleaning really dry?
Why do we put money in a piggy bank instead of a money bank?
Why is a baker's dozen 13 things?
What do you call male ladybugs?
What does Geronimo say when he jumps from high places?
What is a "free gift" - aren't all gifts free?
When you stop and think, can you forget to start again?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to too?
Who's General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
Does the information superhighway have reststops?
If you had everything, where would you keep it?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
If the American government knows nothing of aliens, why is it illegal for American citizens to come into contact with aliens and their vehicles?
If the torturing of one animal is cruel, why is the torturing of many animals science?
If love is supposed to be so good, why does it hurt so much?
If you aren't supposed to drink and drive, why do they sell beer at gas stations?
If you get disembowled, do your innards become your outards?
Why is it that when you're 16 you can be tried as an adult in court, but you can't watch R-rated movies?
If talk is cheap, why is my phone bill so high?
How can there be so much difference between a day off and an off-day?
If you've been married for a million years, does your wedding album go platinum?
What would it be like to be parked diagonally in a parallel universe?
If someone comes up to you and tells you that they're an obsessive compulsive liar, how do you know they're telling the truth?
Why do you need a driver's lisence to buy beer?
What does alphagetti look like in Japan?
How can you tell if Don King is having a bad hair day?
Can you charge your Visa bill to your Mastercard?
Can the members of Cirque de Soleil perform during an eclipse?
Should bankrupcy lawyers expect to be paid?
What will happen to 20th Century Fox in the year 2001?
Why do hot dogs come in packages of 12, but the buns only come in packages of 8?
Why is it that when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open it's not a door?
Why do banks charge a "non-sufficient funds" fee on money they already know you don't have?
Since light travels faster than sound, is that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
If it's zero degrees out today, and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
Why are they called buildings when they're already finished?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of the song?
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?
When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
Why do you have a "pair" of pants, but only one bra?
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
When two airplanes almost collide, why do they call it a near miss?
Why do they call it the Department of the Interior when they're in charge of everything outdoors?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
How can we be murdered in cold blood if we're warm blooded?
Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?
Why do most vegetarian meals taste like meat?
If it's raining cats and dogs, are they spayed and neutered?
If love is blind, don't people in love need glasses?
Why is it when you sit around the house, you don't actually sit around the house?
What do batteries run on?
Is there such a thing as a "B" cell battery?
If practice makes perfect, and no one is perfect, why bother practicing?
Why are microphones so big?
If you see a heat wave, should you wave back?
If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?
Can you be arrested for selling "illegal" sized paper?
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how do you know if it's wrong?
If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?
Why do irons have a setting for "permanent press"?
Isn't room temperature whatever temperature it happens to be in the room you're in?
If it's such a small world, why does it cost so much to run it?
If you die in your sleep, how do you know?
What would happen if you opened a milk carton (or any carton like that) from the other side?
If the moon is made of cheese, what kind of cheese was used?
Do they vacuum the walls at movie theatres?
Can you stop payment on a reality check?
If El Nino is getting blamed for everything, and club soda can fix everything, then why doesn't somebody use club soda on El Nino?
If it's illegal to pay someone for sex, but it is legal to pay someone to star in an X-rated movie, is it okay to pay someone for sex so long as you film it?
Who watches the Watchmen?
Why do banks ask if you have money (collateral) when you want to borrow money?
How can chaos be mathematically defined if it's random?
Shouldn't white supremecists worship albinoes?
Why and how do wire hangers get tangled together when you leave them alone?
If you're driving and talking on a cellular phone at the same time, could you be talking a mile a minute?
Why are most things 'age of majority' when the majority of those who want to go are excluded by this requirement?
Do bleached blondes just pretend to have more fun?
Is there a denture fairy who leaves slugs instead of real money?
How do you display an easel?
Was the pole vault accidently discovered by a lousy javelin thrower?
How can you tell if a cartoon's family picture is a portrait or a photo?
Why don't more masked robbers hold up ski lodges?
Did the early settlers ever go on camping trips?
Could it be that boulders are just statues of really big rocks?
Do police sketch artists start out as the guy who outlines the dead bodies?
Who puts the thin ice sign on thin ice, and why don't they ever fall in?
If vacuums are nothingness, why do we have vacuum cleaners?
How can something be both 'new' and 'improved' at the same time?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did people go back to?
24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
Why is it that whenever someone calls and wakes us up, if they ask us if they woke us, we always say no?
Did Adam and Eve have bellybuttons?
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUP?
If they arrested the Energizer Bunny, would they charge it with battery?
How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
If a tin whistle is made out of tin (and it is), then what, exactly, is a fog horn made out of?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Orientals throw hamburgers?
Whatever happened to Absorbine Senior?
Do molecular biologists wear designer genes?
Does killing time harm eternity?
What if there were no hypothetical situations?
Is it bad luck to be superstitious?
What is the colour of a chameleon on a mirror?
If I save the whales, where should I keep them?
Does the Little Mermaid wear an algabra?
Can I yell "movie!" in a crowded firehouse?
Is a virtuoso a musician with really high morals?
Where does the fire go when the fire goes out?
If you see an onion ring, should you answer it?
Why get even when you can get odd?
Are part time bandleaders semiconductors?
Are Cheerios really donut seeds?
How do I set my laser printer to 'stun'?
Is Multimate the word processor for bigamists?
Were Noah's bees archived?
Why are wrong numbers never busy?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?(sorry, i know, it's rude)
Shouldn't women wear night gowns and not evening gowns to night clubs?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
When someone asks you, "a penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages if they're just stale bread to begin with?
When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes"?
If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Phillip's Screwdriver?
